Committing to the Dream…

I’m a dreamer and a doer. I know to accomplish what you set out to achieve takes hard work and dedication. But I tend to have commitment issues. I go for the easy more attainable goals first, and then let the big ones hang out against the wall. They can hang out for years, waiting for some TLC. Next week I start my road trip across the country, a big dream of mine that took more than just a few years to get to.

My family was all about road trip vacations, going to Palm Springs and Mammoth. Sometimes we’d jump in the car and head out on the road in the middle of the night. Aside from my terrible motion sickness, I loved being in the car on a trip. I’d stare out the window wondering about the people who lived in the houses, imagine epic tales that took place on the terrain, stop at the road side stands for fresh jerky and dates. Listening to my own walkman radio I’d imagine what road trips I’d go on as an adult, picking songs that I’d put on the soundtrack of my road trip.

The road trip day dreaming turned into an actual dream for my life, and for years I’d tell people how I’d want to travel the country collecting stories. Then about 3 years ago I finally decided I was going to do it. I was going to save money and drive across the country for 6 months, just to do it. Now this is where my dreams tend to get too big for my own britches. I was planning on saving enough money for 6 months on the road in just a year, without even having an actual goal on how much to save each month, just a rough idea of how much money I should have.

And as each month passed, the invisible savings of mine never grew. I met this great guy, and wasn’t sure if  I would want to leave him behind. I felt it would have been rude to leave my job after only being there a year. I made excuses, and I wasn’t putting forth the effort to make it real. I let the day to day, get in the way of making my dream a reality. I let myself down and it felt awful. By the time I would have left for my trip; I was ready to quit my job, the boy and I were strong, and I didn’t have any money to make it happen. So I let it go, and continued to have it just be this dream. A dream I always have, but never get any closer to…until now.

The thermometer was at $100 for a over year, and the card saying October 2014 is covering May 2012.

 

Road Map

It begins.

Afraid I will become distracted again I need to keep around reminders of my dream, of who I am, my true wants and spirit. This morning I went with my mom to Target and a map of the US flashed in my mind covered with yarn markings and notes. Already on a strict budget diet at this point, I had to pick up a map and there was a 2011 road atlas for $2.50 to cheap to pass up. Looking through the book, seeing the map hanging on my bedroom wall with May 2013 written somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico the dream is starting to already become real. I never put a date on my road trip, I always just said it was something I was going to do. Putting a date on anything is powerful and profound, it shows this is when that is going to happen or not happen. There is no trying, it either will or will not. What kind of person are you? Will I be the kind of person who makes excuses to why it didn’t happen, or the one that pushes and fights for it. For the first time my dream has a date, and I think it’s the perfect timing.

Continue to remind myself I only have one life. And a job can not define it. A great job is amazing, but it means nothing if it prevented me from fulfilling my true destiny.

I don’t even know where to start on my map. I’ve looked at the highways, drive down to San Antonia, up to Austin, over to New Orleans. The route and possibilities are endless. May 2013 will come sooner than expected. I sort of feel like I’m planning for my wedding day, and I really hope I don’t get cold feet.

Lastly as I look at sights to see and national parks to visit, I am going to keep a small notebook of all my ideas with me so whenever I reach for my wallet to pay for a coffee or a dress I see that notebook and remind myself what that money could really go towards.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you – you will never know how much my life needed you.